a little something something on voting.

Click here for a snippet of voting happiness from Boy On A Stick & Slither.

..my life needs some sparkles.

nothingness and space.

my life's been a little on the boring side, and i thought i didn't mind, but lately i've been wondering if i should make an effort. i used to want to make a difference in the world, but for the past few years i've kind of.. lost interest in everything. i cruise, without really taking in any of my surroundings.

truth be told, most of the time i don't really care what happens.

i need some sparkles. just today i came across a quote - "all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

i've been doing a lot of nothing. i mean, is this it? this is all there is to my life.. work, work, work and sleep. dabbles in the church life, a snippet of netball, and go home and fall in bed, ready to do it all again the next week.

when did i lose the dreams, the drive?

i've been reading this book lately ('captivating' by john & stasi eldredge) that julie got me onto (sorry i didn't actually start reading it earlier, jules..) which has set me thinking a little more about myself. (gee, i'm self-centred. it's always me, me, me..)

dreams. heart. true beauty. things i haven't really given much thought to for years.

"heart? beauty? pffft. whatever." but it's a little sad that, at this point in my life, i don't have a dream.

i have a goal, but it's not a very lofty one. "work, so you have enough money to get an apartment. and a kitty."

but then what?

it's not very world-changing. it's barely even life-changing.

and meanwhile, people around me are falling apart. i don't know what to do to help. i want to be there, to be supportive, to be what they need me to be. but.. i'm not a people person. i'm just not good with humans. so what do i do? i'm.. kind of useless in that way. i've been.. pretty much doing nothing. and i'm pretty sure that me doing nothing is hurting others..

damn, that's depressing.

so what do i do? how do i kick-start myself into caring again?

temperatures this week are in the high thirties..

whee! i'm back at the computer after a week away.

the second half of my thursday was spent in bed, generating nuclear power. yaaay fever. you could have cooked an egg on my head, if you were the type of person who enjoys eating eggs that other people's heads have been in. and the heatwave continued through friday, leaving me feeling completely can't-be-arsed and, as a result, i didn't eat for two days.

not the nicest diet i've been on.

and sleep! oh my freaking $#%@!!! i thought i loved sleep. but every time i woke up, convinced i'd slept 8 hours, i looked at the clock and it was just 2!! i wanted to throw a tantrum except that.. i couldn't be arsed. damn. so i shut my eyes and tried again. and again. i swear i had at least five dreams where i had woken up and spent the day at work and come home driving a hungry-hungry-hippo.

saturday was better. i woke up cold, which was a nice change, so i went to work. and after that, on to karen's bday BBQ! (yay!)

stopped off at a petrol station to refill the car, get two bags of ice, and a litre of milk.

it sounds really easy, ne?

until i got to the ice freezer. unlatching it wasn't a problem, and i stuck my head in, grabbed a twisty, and pulled.

nothing. it wouldn't budge.

i thought, crap, i must be the most pathetic little weed ever.

so i pulled again. the plastic tore off, and i had a little internal freak-out.

upon closer inspection, all the bags of ice were welded together.

my itty bitty little girly fingers couldn't dig any of them out, so i sheepishly went back to the counter and asked the old beardy man to help me.

in the end, he had to go get a crowbar and hack the hell out of the ice bags.

i felt a little better (though i wish he'd let me have a go with the crowbar), and trotted off with two slightly mangled bags o' ice.

spent the rest of the night pattering around snapping photos of the party crew, trailing mandy along with me everywhere. (once again, forgot to tell steve that i know his homies greggely and anna). admired shan's handiwork (she did karen's makeup for the night), played with karen's new digi-dog SiSi (go the nintendogs), and watched some SingStar shenanigans.

resolution for next year: must acquire SingStar. good for parties. ^-^

i would've liked to stay longer, but.. mummy wanted me home by 12. *sigh*

...yep, i really need to move out.

misery, doom and gloom.. oh my.

ever had one of those days where you just absolutely, positively can NOT be stuffed making an effort to be human?

current mood: complete and utter flatline.

this is the day for whinges, except that i can barely work up the motivation to breathe. (damn lungs.)

the day outside is dark, cloudful and rainy, which usually i'd like but today it just makes me want to go home early and curl up in bed under the doona. and hibernate until next week.

i have a stomachache, which annoys me to no end because i have no bloody idea how it got there.

i have an effed up left leg because i stupidly kept playing netball after i cramped it up. and my left arm appears to be experiencing sympathy pains in relation to my leg, which also annoys me because i would prefer it be a cold and unfeeling bastaird on this occasion.

and my nose is all nerve-twingey after getting hit in the face with said crappy netball. damn my lack of reflexes. damn, damnitty-damn damn. aaaaaargh.

i'd flop on the floor and cry, except that would mean expending effort, which i am not currently inclined to do.